Dating a Friend

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Have you ever had a friend who you wanted to date? Someone you shared a great rapport with; yet, you were hesitant to ask out? Maybe you were not sure of her feelings. Or maybe you did not want the friendship to crumble.

So where do you stop being friends and turn into lovers? Most of us make the distinction as a greater intimacy, because the intensity of a dating relationship usually finds sexual expression. But sex alone is not enough to describe the difference. We should honestly try to find out how this quality of intimacy will fit into the world we are creating? Will it find new expressions? Will the friendship be enriched with fresh inputs?

When you are sure that you want to take your friendship further, it is important to say exactly what you mean, and mean what you say, when asking your friend out. You could say something simple like, “We’ve been friends for a while now. I really appreciate our friendship. I find you so sweet, smart, and attractive. I would like to see our friendship become a dating relationship. Could I take you out for dinner on Saturday night?”

Remember, once you have taken that step ahead, things will never be the same again. You could gain a lover, but you could also lose a friend. So before asking your close friend for a cozy night affair, read through the lines:

  • Lesson #1 Be prepared: Anticipate your friend’s reaction. Say something like, “I know this is a change/big step/something you may not have thought about. Feel free to take a few days to consider it.” This will allow your friend to truly consider the effects dating may have on your relationship.


  • Lesson #2 What to do if your offer is rejected: Resist the temptation to take it personally. Remember that the date is being rejected, not you. Your friendship will be different afterwards, but continue to value the qualities in your friend that attracted you to him/her in the first place. And, remember that you do not have any claim on that person other than a great friendship.


  • Lesson #3 What to do if your offer is accepted: Plan a great date and, if all goes well, ask for another one! Despite the element of romance added to your friendship, communicate with one another and strengthen your friendship. So, if in time that romantic aspect is not working out, a close friendship will still survive.


Be a friend first, not a potential date. The key to a great evening with your friend is to relax and just be yourself. Do not overdo the romantic angle. You value this person as a friend, as good company. So, focus on being comfortable with one other. That way, your friend will feel easier about this new development in your friendship. And if there is a spark between you, things will automatically progress.


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